Why Living With a Bulletproof Vest is The Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me

The Importance of Having a Burden

"Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths. " – Epictetus

This time, I want to talk about a difficulty, a burden, that seemed too much for me to bear. Something that, at first, I viewed as a symbol of everything that went wrong in my life. A symbol of my life being a disaster. But it ended up being the best thing that happened to me.

I want to make the point that no matter how big or small, you can and should use the difficulties in your life to strengthen yourself.

Okay, first of all, living with a bulletproof vest is not the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's one of the best.

I lived with a bulletproof vest for almost 2 years.

To be more precise, from April 2020 to the end of January 2022, I had to wear a bulletproof vest every time I left my house. It was an essential part of my outfit.

If you have no idea why I would have to wear it, read "Why Having A Price On My Head Didn't Upset Me" for some context.

Wearing a bulletproof vest is extremely uncomfortable.

It has to be tightened up really well so that it won't be easily seen under your clothes (and you definitely don’t want that).

When you tighten it up, the vest presses on your chest and your whole abdomen.

What happens next is that you get hot and start sweating a lot. It doesn’t matter if it's the middle of summer or the coldest winter day; you are soaking wet under your shirt.

However, are you sweating because of the vest as an additional layer of clothing?

Or are you sweating because of the very fact that you need to wear a bulletproof vest?

Honestly, after so much time spent wearing it, I still haven’t figured that out. It’s probably both.

The second thing is that you are not breathing normally. Your chest and your abdomen are not in their normal state. They are not relaxed. They are being pressed on. Your breathing becomes shallow.

Are you breathing heavily just because your chest and abdomen are being pressed on?

Or are you also breathing heavily because you are hot from that thick additional layer of clothing?

Or are you breathing heavily because of the fact that you have to wear a bulletproof vest?

I don’t know. It’s probably all of those things.

Then, especially in an outdoor environment where there are a lot of strangers around you, you get a rush of anxiety.

Is it because of physiological factors? Is it because your body temperature is high, you are sweating, and your breathing is shallow and rapid?

Or are you having anxiety because of the fact that you need to wear a bulletproof vest every time you leave your house, and you need to pay attention to all the unknown faces around you?

I don’t know. It’s probably both.

However, it’s not just the vest in a physical sense.

You are not just wearing this unusual piece of clothing to protect yourself when you are outside.

It’s not just the physical burden, discomfort, and pressure.

You are also wearing that same vest in a symbolic sense. It’s more than physical. I will allow myself to say that it’s metaphysical.

In physical reality, the vest doesn’t allow you to breathe normally, you cannot even sit comfortably, and you cannot hug anyone so they don’t figure out that you are wearing it. You simply cannot breathe, move, or behave like normal people. However, that’s not what’s truly difficult about it.

On a symbolical, metaphysical level, the burden is even heavier. It’s not just that you cannot breathe or move normally; you cannot live normally. It’s not just your chest and abdomen that are being pressed on. In the deepest sense of the word, your life is being pressed on.

Your soul cannot breathe at its full capacity.

So how could this be one of the best things that ever happened to me?