I had something completely different written for today.
However…
On my way back home from writing in the coffeeshop a couple of stations away, I boarded the train.
As usual, I decided to look either through the window or at the people around me.
It was night, and the part of the city where I boarded the train was pretty quiet, so I decided that it would be more interesting to look at my fellow passengers.
Same as always around that time. People going home from work or from their visit to the mall. Either staring at their phones or talking to each other. Some of them were sleeping.
And then there was her.
A middle-aged lady was leaning on the doors of the train.
The look on her face was painful.
Not in the sense that she looked like she was in pain. It was painful for me to see her like that.
If she was able to experience pain, it would be an improvement from the state she was in.
The closest thing would be to say that she was tired.
In fact, she was so tired that she was empty.
Yes, she was empty.
She wasn’t looking at anything. She was looking through things.
She was looking through people, through the train walls, and who knows where that look of hers ended. If it even ended anywhere. It probably didn’t.
You know the look that I’m talking about. You’ve seen someone with it at least once in your life. Or maybe you were the person with that look on your face. So maybe you didn’t see it, but you felt it.
When you’ve been so exhausted that you cannot feel anything. When you wish that you could at least feel a negative emotion.
That is, if you are capable of even wishing for anything at that moment.
I've seen that look on the faces of some of my loved ones a handful of times in my life. It was devastating.
But I never expected seeing this look on a stranger's face could affect me this much.
“Excuse me, Miss. It’s going to be okay. Actually, I don’t know if it’s going to be okay. I have no idea what you’ve been through. I don’t know if it was one major moment or a series of smaller things piling up until it became too much for you to bear. But please don’t believe that there is nothing in you anymore. I know it seems like that at the moment. But there is still more inside. Please don't let your gaze drift away into nothingness like that. There is still something for you here. Be here. Give this moment a chance. And then the next one. And then the one after that. Stay here. Maybe it doesn’t seem like that right now, but it’s worth it. It’s rarely easy, but this life is always worth experiencing and living. And sometimes it’s even beautiful. I know you think you’re empty, but you will feel again. Will you take my word for it?"
That’s what I wanted to tell her. But I’m a coward. How could I approach a woman I don’t know in the middle of the train, in a city where most middle-aged people don’t know almost any English, and tell her that? I know, I know. Those are just excuses.
If I was only able to catch her look for a moment, I would at least give her a smile. I had enough courage for that. But no, her eyes were lost.
I know it’s hypocritical to ask anything from you after failing to act. But I am still going to do it.
I cannot ask you to approach a stranger when you see them with that look on their face. I can ask you to give them a gentle smile if you manage to catch their lost eyes.
But if there is someone close to you with this look on their face, be there for them. Have patience. If you need to just sit with them in silence, do that. Maybe they don’t need any words. Be there for them until they realize it's okay to feel again.
And if you are a person with that look on your face, I hope there is someone there for you. If not, here I am. This story was for you.
There is still more inside you. You will feel again.
Thank you for reading.
This is beautiful
You upgrade my life with your writings! :)