Do You Even Know What Confidence Looks Like?
I have a beef with you.
Yes, yes, you. You reading this right now. Don’t act all surprised now.
How can you say you are not a confident person? Do you even know what a confident person looks like?
The way you are making yourself smaller than you are has been bothering me lately. So let’s talk about it.
How do you imagine a confident person? Take some to have an image in your mind.
Actually, no. Let me first clarify what I mean by confident.
I'm not talking about a guy or a girl that walks into a bar thinking that they own the place and that everyone wants to either be their friend or sleep with them.
I'm talking about a person confident in their ability to move forward in the face of two scenarios:
-Life's unexpected misfortunes and challenges.
-Obstacles on the way to their goals.
You know, the person who isn't afraid of life.
Now you can imagine that person. What do they look like?
Okay, you had enough time. Now let's talk about why you give up, shy away from life, and don't feel confident.
You think a confident individual is someone who is closer to a superhero than a regular person. A movie-like or social-media-guru-like individual.
This is where you make your first and biggest mistake. And then it's all downhill from here.
Now, I will risk sounding arrogant in order to help you. But don't worry, I'll bring it back to being the relatable me that you know.
I know I am as competent and capable as any human being alive to deal with whatever life throws at me. Whatever obstacle I encounter on the path that I choose, I know I'll rise to the occasion. That’s a fair amount of confidence, right? But let me give you more insight into how this confidence looks.
I know that I will be scared shitless of some of those challenges. Some of them will make my whole body shake in fear. In some situations, all I'll want to do is shrivel up into a ball and go home to seek comfort from my loved ones. I know that, on so many different occasions, I will start doubting myself. I will feel inadequate. The inner cynic and coward might take over for a while. But I also know I will refuse to run away or stay shriveled up. I know that I will take it one step at a time, no matter how small those steps may be. It won't look pretty or glamorous, but it will work. What will work? Addressing the things that are in my control and approaching them with an honest effort. Not seeking the easy way out in order to escape future challenges and responsibilities. That will work.
How is that for confidence? Not really glamorous, right? But that's what real confidence looks like. If you don't trust me, ask anyone who is moving through life, taking risks, and not shying away from challenges. That is, anyone whose ego isn't standing in the way of them admitting this.
And yes, I will admit, there is some delusion here. There is some irrational belief that I have a destiny to fulfill and nothing will get in the way, at least not permanently. But this delusion, this sense of destiny, isn't something that can be taught. So I think it's useless to ascribe much confidence to it.
I genuinely believe that most confidence comes from unlearning this false idea of what confidence is supposed to look like. It's about accepting the image of yourself as a scared, confused, and overwhelmed character that still chooses to keep going.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s exactly your main roadblock. You notice yourself being scared, confused, and overwhelmed, and you think that means you’re not a confidant type of person and you’ll never be one. Because someone who is really confident would never experience those feelings.
If you want us to squash this beef, you have to unlearn this false and damaging idea of confidence.
Start by reminding yourself this:
Your ability to move forward in life is not measured by how certain you are that your actions will result in success. It is measured by your willingness to constantly search for constructive steps that you can make, no matter how small, and then making them.
Thank you for reading.
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Free Resources:
My free ebook: The Lost Art of Reading
Paid Resources:
The Art of Showing Up: A Clear and Practical Method for Mastering Consistency
The Gold Pill: Timeless Ideas for a Life Worth Living
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"Your ability to move forward in life is not measured by how certain you are that your actions will result in success. It is measured by your willingness to constantly search for constructive steps that you can make, no matter how small, and then making them." - Love this.