How a Single Book Helped Me Find the Meaning of My Life
"...the meaning of life always changes, but that it never ceases to be."
- Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning)
Every couple of months, without failure, I return to Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Even if it's just for an afternoon where I go through the parts I've highlighted, I just have to maintain my relationship with this life-changing piece of writing. It never fails to refuel me with a sense of confidence in my ability to live a meaningful life.
But there is one idea from the book that I am reminded of on a weekly basis. It's partly because I actively remind myself of it and partly because of the conversations I have in my instagram comments, DMs, and, most recently, my live streams. A certain type of question appears regularly:
"How to deal with feeling that your life has no meaning?"
"How to find meaning of life?"
"Do you think we create or find meaning?"
"What do you think is the meaning of life?"
On one hand, I will never get used to being asked this. Are you sure I'm the guy you want to go to for life's greatest question?
On the other hand, I have arrived at the point of such confidence and conviction in the question of the meaning of life that I find it quite simple.
So let me try to establish a balance between my humility and confidence in order to help you become less overwhelmed with this question of all questions, and more confident in your ability to answer it for yourself.
In 2020, my family's life started falling apart.
To avoid retelling the whole story, it's enough to say that my brother got himself in the midst of one of the bloodiest organized crime conflicts in Europe and became an international fugitive. This also meant that my life was in danger, since taking revenge on someone by killing their closest male relative is still disturbingly common in my home country's culture. Hence the bulletproof vest in the photo.
More importantly, two of the most important women in my life had to suffer the consequences of this situation. My sister-in-law was thrown into this chaos as a mom of a 2-year-old boy and having another one on the way. And, my mother, well... Do I need to, or can I explain her anguish?
It's useless trying to describe how I felt, as I'm still unsure of that. The next couple of years were spent focusing mostly on how I lived and behaved, not how I felt. And I can't say that was a bad idea.
When this chaos ensued, I turned to Frankl. What I was looking for was "just" consolation and encouragement, not direction. I just wanted to be reminded of his idea that meaningful life is possible in the midst of great suffering and that humans are able to survive tragedies far worse than my situation.
What I didn't expect from rereading Frankl's work was to receive a compass. Not only did he encourage me to believe that a meaningful life is always possible; he showed me where and how to look for my meaning.
"What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment."
"Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. "These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man..."
Task, that was it! I had a task in front of me! The question of the universal meaning of life became irrelevant. I had my own meaning to fulfill.
My task, and the meaning of my life, was to be a pillar of support for my family. To be a strong and supportive son and brother-in-law, and the most energetic and fun uncle. At that point in my life, nothing was more important; no mission was greater.
I thought that would stay the meaning of my life forever. And that's true on one hand. It will always remain my mission and purpose. However, as my journey kept unraveling, a more urgent task appeared in front of me.
"These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment."
In January of 2022, as the situation got heated, I left my home country to preserve my physical life or even "just" my sanity. Soon after, I realized that the hierarchy of my life tasks had shifted. If I didn't deal with the situation I was in, I wouldn't be able to attend to the larger meaning of my life, being the pillar of support for my family. As Frankl proposed, I had to take responsibility to find the right answer to my life’s problems.
At that point in my story, the problem I had to solve, the task I had to fulfill, the meaning of my life, was attaining financial stability after quitting my job and creating a new life on the other side of the world.
And I know this statement might be somewhat underwhelming or even disappointing to some of you. One of the main reasons you came across my writing online and decided to stick around is because you share the same passion for thinking deeply about how to live this human life the best way we can. And now I'm telling you that the meaning of my life was to pay my bills and rent? What could be less profound than that?
If you are one of those people, and you still think that the meaning of your life, at every point of your life, needs to be some grand mission, you're precisely the person who needs to read this the most.
Since I became able to buy a pack of eggs without sweating in fear of my card being declined, I had a couple of more shifts in my life's main tasks. Listing all of them is unnecessary for the point I've been trying to arrive at. Because this isn't about me.
The only reason why I'm sharing my story is so that it inspires you to reflect on your own. Maybe the meaning of your life right now is to pass the next school year. Maybe it's to get that "crappy" job that is not your passion but would give you some stability and security. Or, maybe it's to become a better example for your loved ones by breaking out of a self-destructive thought and behavior pattern.
It's a great mistake to get trapped into thinking that we have to find THE meaning of life. One thing, one great purpose, one extraordinary mission that our whole life will be shaped by. That's extremely rare. And by looking for it and thinking that's the only way meaning meaning can be, we overlook all the tasks and potential meanings in front of us.
Even if there is an overarching meaning to your life, you will be faced with these more immediate life's tasks and challenges that, if you don't address, you will not be able to engage in that greater meaning. Hence the idea that an exam or getting your first paycheck can be the meaning of your life at some point and for a period of time.
If this is all true, then the question is reversed.
"As each situation in life represents a challenge to man and presents a problem for him to solve, the question of the meaning of life may actually be reversed. Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible."
And this is one of the most important perspective shifts a person can make on their way to a meaningful life.
You are not asking what the meaning of life is. You are being asked what the meaning of your life is.
And I will leave you with this additional question.
What are you currently living out as the meaning of your life? Because, whether you think of it as your meaning or not, the way you are living your life is the answer you are giving to the question of your life's meaning.
Thank you for reading.
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It was a great post. I will be sharing in my next essay as reading recommendation. I related with u a lot when you talked providing for family... Thank you for writing and sharing it. I really mean it.
Very deep. As the years go by, I have come to somewhat of the same conclusion myself. For years I struggled to find “the meaning of life” which led me down a dark path and I was very depressed for a long time. Only a few months ago I was in a serious depression where I truly believed life had no meaning at all and this lead me to make some very poor life choices. Now that I have had some very precious things and people taken from me, it all seems so simple, that the meaning of life is truly to live your life. Whatever that means to you, just live your life to the fullest. Enjoy every day, be kind to others, share experiences with those around you and especially cherish the moments you have with those you love most. There is no magic hidden meaning (unless perhaps there is some sort of puzzle here we must figure out to go further into the great beyond).