Around a year and a half ago, I visited a skate park for the first time. Looking back on that experience, it gave me one of the most valuable lessons of the last year.
It was located inside a city park that had multiple different sports courts in it, including basketball, football (soccer for some of you), and volleyball. There was also a running track and an outdoor gym in the park. You can guess where I spent my time. However, as much as training is a big part of my life and I love to use every opportunity for an outdoor workout, I didn’t go to the outdoor gym area because I thought it was most fun. I envied those I saw playing on the sports courts. But it’s been years since I’ve played any of those sports. So, besides me being an introvert who finds it difficult to ask to join a game, I also didn’t want to embarrass myself with how bad I was.
It was only after I finished my workout and decided to take a walk around the park that I noticed the skate area. It was my first time seeing people skate in person. I felt like a kid again. Back in elementary school, there was a period where all I wanted was to learn how to skateboard. However, the skateboarding culture in my country was nonexistent, and there were no skateparks, so I eventually moved on from this dream. Now, a little less than twenty years later, I felt a sudden warmth in my heart when I saw people perform tricks that I had dreamed of learning back then. I decided to stay for a while and watch.
There were around fifteen people there of different ages and experience levels. Some were obvious beginners, still learning how to maintain balance on the board, and some were performing tricks that I couldn’t wrap my head around. However, I quickly noticed something that was common to all of them. Something that maybe should’ve been obvious and expected, but apparently not for my still rigid mind.
Everyone was falling. A lot. But no one seemed afraid or ashamed of falling. Nor did anyone look down on others or ridicule them when they fell while trying to perform a new trick.
This was an entirely new experience for me. Maybe it’s just the environment I grew up in, but one of the integral aspects of playing any sport or game was that you were made fun of when you made a mistake. I do think that’s just how most kids are and always will be, and there is rarely any ill will behind it. However, it undoubtedly contributes to creating a culture of being afraid and ashamed of failing. While watching them, I noticed multiple times that I was more tense than the person who was attempting the trick. And, if they fell, I would look to see how others were going to react, hoping there would be no laughter. On the other hand, the person who fell seemed completely unfazed, probably because they knew the same thing that everyone in the skatepark knew: it’s not only okay to fall; it’s expected.
As I started to understand how different their mindset was from mine, I thought to myself, "This is the perfect learning environment: a space where the only reaction to failure is, both metaphorically and literally, giving you a hand to get back up and try again."
There they were: trying, falling, getting back up, trying again, and having fun. And there I was: embarrassed to join a basketball game because I would miss most of the shots; afraid to start writing long-form because it might not be as well-received as my short-form content; anxious about learning a new language because the locals can’t understand my pronunciation.
I don’t think it’s the case that skateboarding somehow attracts kinder and more supportive people, and that’s why they maintain this collective mindset that failing is okay. They are certainly more lucky in the sense that failing, that is, falling, is one of the main aspects of their activity and is, because of this, expected and normal. If you know of some other activities that are similar in this way, I would love for you to recommend them in the comments. But I think we can cultivate this mindset in everything that we do.
A year and a half later, I can proudly say that the skate park lesson didn’t become just another piece of life wisdom that is understood on an intellectual level but never used in real life. I failed more than ever before, but I also learned and succeeded. I’m not saying you will see me in a local skate park doing kickflips, but I have made significant advancements in my areas of interest, tried things I never thought I would, and my relationship with failure is the healthiest it has ever been.
What I’ve also come to realize is that we don’t have the excuse of saying that our environment isn’t as supportive as that of a skate park when it comes to trying and failing. One instance of seeing or hearing that failure is okay should be enough for us to start working on making our minds into supportive environments. At the end of the day, you are the one who needs to try and then laugh it off if you fail. No one can do it for you. And if you haven’t had your skate park moment before, now you have one. It’s okay to fail. Not only is it okay; it’s expected and even desirable. If you are not failing, you are playing it safe. Or maybe you are not even playing.
So, what are you waiting for?
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Jiu jitsu has given me similar experiences. I started around 18 months ago and was quite nervous and intimidated at first, because I hadn't played any sport (other than exercising) in a long time. Like with skateboarding, falling and being humbled are inevitabilities in jiu jitsu. In every class you'll have to accept defeat multiple times by tapping to a submission hold, or by accepting that you can't escape from a compromised position, or by realising that the skill gap between you and your opponent is just too great at this moment. But the culture is fantastic because everyone in the room has been through the same experience of feeling powerless and clueless at the beginning, and there's no shame in tapping or in being beaten. More experienced training partners will offer pointers after a roll (a sparring session) and will often demonstrate ways that you could counteract some of the techniques they just beat you with. I'd highly recommend it to anyone, even those with no athletic background.
Pottery..