"I wasted 3 years, been depressed...did nothing. Now I feel guilty. How to overcome it?"
This is a question I received in one of my recent Q&As. This is not the first time I receive this type of question. In fact, I receive it quite often. And every time I read those questions, I am quite strongly affected by them. It hurts me to see or hear people in this state.
So even though I replied to this specific question, I wanted to write a bit about this for all those who might be feeling the same.
I’ve witnessed quite a few people around me struggle in the same way, and I consider every single one of my readers a friend and a kindred soul. So I hope you will allow that this doesn’t have the structure and style of a typical essay or blog post. I prefer to write it as if I were writing to a friend. Because I am.
You say that you are feeling guilty because you wasted years of your life. Were you struggling? Were you battling something inside of you? Can you really call that a waste of time?
You are now at a point where you can look back on those years of struggle, and you have enough energy to think in terms of what could’ve been done and accomplished in that period. If you were still the person you were before, you wouldn’t even be capable of thinking about your life in terms of time wasted and time well spent. The fact that you are looking back and feeling guilty proves that you have advanced from the point you were at before. You have overcome your struggles, at least to some extent. You have more energy and life in you than before. You are just using them the wrong way.
You struggled and overcame, but you feel guilty. Why? Do you feel that you have let down those around you? Do you think that they are disappointed that you haven’t done more with your life? If that’s the case, you can stop feeling guilty right away. Those who love you are proud of you. They might not be the best at showing it, but what they care about the most is your inner well-being. If they know what you’ve been struggling with, they don’t think you’ve wasted your time. They are proud of you for the battle that you’ve been fighting.
But maybe they don’t know what you’ve been going through. Sometimes we are too good at hiding it. Don’t hide it from those who care about you. You can never be a burden to them. If you share your story with them, you will be met with support and encouragement. They will show you that guilt is the last thing you should be feeling.
Do you feel guilty because you feel like you are too far behind others? Whoever you are comparing yourself with, it seems like they’ve progressed too far for you to ever catch up, right? Well, tell me then, have they been dealing with the same things as you? Did they have to fight the same inner battles that you did? Not only does every single one of us have a unique life path, but our inner worlds are unique as well. Both inside and out, everyone’s journey has a different pace, different twists, turns, and detours, different ups and downs. How could you feel guilty for not progressing at the same rate as someone else when your journeys are different? They seem too far ahead of you right now, but there might come a point in the future when they need your help because they are fighting the inner battles that you fought and won a long time ago. You cannot possibly be behind or ahead of anyone whose journey didn’t look exactly the same as yours up to this point. And there is no one like that.
You are now at the point in your journey where you can choose if you want to keep looking back and dwelling on the past or if you want to start taking steps forward.
You would want the past to be different, but it isn’t. So do you want to remain stuck in one place and, by doing so, make sure that the past repeats itself? Or will you use the past as a valuable experience full of lessons that will help you build a better future?
I’m not doubting your past struggles, not for one moment. But I invite you to consider this: Did you do nothing because you were depressed? Or were you depressed because you did nothing? Both could be true at the same time, and they most often are. It seems to me that the last thing you should be doing is feeling guilty and creating opportunities for yourself to get stuck once again in this negative feedback loop that you managed to escape.
Do you still feel like you’ve wasted 3 years? Well, I can tell you something worse than wasting 3 years. It’s wasting 3 years and 1 day, 3 years and 1 week, 3 years and 1 month. What’s much worse is you being in the same place a year later, asking how to stop feeling guilty for wasting 4 years.
But you don't seem to me like a person who is going to waste any more time. Because the one who seeks a way to change for the better has already started changing by doing so.
Thank you for reading.
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Thanks for the encouragement, and the words, from friend to friend. Thanks. We all have battles going on, and this is a reminder to continue winning, to continue pushing, showing every day.