"I am stuck in a situation where I cannot make a decision. There are multiple paths in front of me, and I cannot figure out which one to choose. It seems like a couple of them could be the right one. What do I do?"
This is a question I received recently on my instagram page. I would like to address it in this way because I believe a lot of people reading Existential Espresso would be interested in this topic.
Let me start by giving a short answer: The situation you are in is called life. What you described is the most natural, and I would even say healthy, human situation to be in.
Now let me expand.
What does it mean when you absolutely know what choice to make, when you know for certain which path in front of you is the right one?
In most cases, it means one of two things:
It either means that there is a choice that, if made, brings so many benefits with it and carries (almost) no risk that it would be stupid not to make that choice. People rarely find themselves in this situation, but I hope that you find yourself in it at least once in your life and take full advantage of it.
Or, it could mean that there is a path that, if you take it, will make your life a living hell. An obvious and "fatal" mistake. Further, it could mean that staying where you currently are will make your life a living hell, and choosing any of the possible paths in front of you except for one will also have the same effect. There is just one direction to take, one path to choose, that will save you from your current situation or from other potential paths. This is not a fun position to be in. I witnessed people facing this choice, and now that I've described it, maybe you realize that you’ve seen it as well. I never wish this kind of clarity for you.
We can agree that being in a situation where you have absolute clarity on what choice to make is rare. In one case, you have found yourself in an extremely fortunate position, but that’s not something that you can expect your life to look like. You can just be grateful if you are ever that fortunate. In the second case, you were either extremely unfortunate or you made a series of self-destructive decisions, or both. Once again, this is not the kind of clarity you should want to have in your life.
I am not saying that as long as you don’t find yourself in this second situation, you have it easy and your own situation is great. What I’m saying is that you are far from making a "fatal" mistake, whichever path you choose from those that are in front of you. And that’ already something to appreciate and be grateful for.
That’s why I say that if you find yourself in front of multiple paths that you can take and you are not sure which one to choose, it is a natural and healthy human situation. Because that’s what human life is to some extent - a series of choices.
You cannot expect, or at least shouldn’t hope for, life to give you a clear either-or situation. It is up to you to make every situation into an either-or situation by adopting a decisive and passionate attitude towards life. By moving forward despite the uncertainty, observing the results of your choices and actions, and making course corrections when needed.
If you find yourself in the natural and healthy human situation of not being certain which one is "the right" path to take, by far the worst thing that you can do is stay paralyzed by the uncertainty. Choosing any of the paths is incomparably better, because then you can start observing how the choice you made is reflecting on you and your life.
You cannot have an understanding of any specific situation, or of your life as a whole, in advance. You cannot have a full understanding of it even in the moment of making a decision and taking action.
As Kierkegaard said, "Life can only be understood backwards..."
However, if you are paralyzed by uncertainty, if you make no decision and take no action, there is nothing for you to reflect on. You are even further away from understanding your life or any specific situation because there is no decision or action that you could observe playing out and affecting your life in any way. You can't make any course corrections if you're not even moving.
Therefore, "...life must be lived forwards."
So, what are you waiting for?
Jump in boldly.
Thank you for reading.
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Your writings helps me a lot.Thank you for the clarity in this matter.When you re trying to make a decision you get asaulted by all kinds of feelings.The principles from your article helps me navigate through my feelings.
There are a lot of “good” things that can actually choke out what is best. It’s almost the “good” we have to be careful of because it can distract from the best. This is great advise on your post. Paralysis equals anxiety and the sure way to end that is action.