Why Modern Therapy is Letting People Down
And what actually helps people change for the better
"Girls thinking their psychiatrist cares about them is the same as men thinking the stripper is in love with them."
That’s a “joke” from a recent viral instagram reel. It’s a perfect example of what’s wrong with therapy today. And no, it’s not just about women. It’s about all people who want to grow and develop.
Sure, you could say, “It’s just a joke. Don’t overthink it.”
However, online memes and trends are more relevant representations of the current culture than what you read in the news, let alone literature or academia.
Before I go further, let me be clear:
I know there are great therapists out there, changing and even saving people’s lives. But the foundations of modern therapy were laid almost a century ago, and they set the stage for an approach that’s far too often mechanical, empty, and soulless.
The Broken and the Fixer
Let’s look more closely at the viral post said:
"Girls thinking their psychiatrist cares about them is the same as men thinking the stripper is in love with them."
In the post, a girl is actually responding to this statement and seeking reassurance from the audience that her therapist cares about her, while it’s obvious she’s joking as well. (you can see the post here)
133,000 likes.
And here are the top comments:
And I’m guessing many people might think, “Well, of course, the guys in the comments have a point. You’re just a client. It’s a profession like any other.”
This is what many people have come to expect from therapy:
You pay.
You talk.
They listen.
They stay professionally detached.
Just another service.
Like fixing a car.
Like getting your teeth cleaned.
But helping another human get better and grow was never supposed to be like that.
Psychology Revolutionaries
In 1962, three giants of psychology—Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, and Rollo May—gathered for a live panel.
They represented what was called the "Third Force" in psychology. This movement was known for focusing on humans' unique qualities, potential growth, and capacity for self-actualization. This significantly differed from most psychology up to that point, which mainly focused on everything that could be wrong with humans and how to make them “normal.”
But there was another thing the Third Force spoke about that is criminally overlooked today:
They demanded a fundamental shift in relationships between people seeking growth and those helping them. A shift from the relationship of the fixer and the one who needs to be fixed to a relationship that’s a genuine, growth-facilitating encounter between two humans.
As Abraham Maslow said:
“I have used the words "therapy," "psychotherapy," and "patient.” Actually, I hate all these words and I hate the medical model that they imply because the medical model suggests that the person who comes to the counselor is a sick person, beset by disease and illness, seeking a cure. Actually, of course, we hope that the counselor will be the one who helps to foster the self-actualization of people, rather than the one who helps to cure a disease.”
What Helps People Change for the Better
Carl Rogers is widely recognized as one of the most, if not the most influential, psychotherapists in history. So, let’s see what he had to say about therapy.
In the mentioned panel, he asks: What makes a relationship a growth-promoting thing? What kind of a relationship is therapeutic? How do you create an environment where people grow?
His answer to these questions is based on his research of what makes a successful therapeutic relationship.
Professional training of the therapist doesn’t make the relationship therapeutic. Scholarly knowledge doesn’t matter. What matters more are the certain attitudes the therapist has toward the client.
The following attitudes have been shown to facilitate positive change in clients:
Genuineness (To what extent is the therapist a real person vs to what extent do they wear a mask of the professional and don’t show their human side?)
The ability of the therapist to listen emphatically (To try to put himself in the other person’s position and sense how they experience the world.)
Not trying to fix but to provide a space where there are two people instead of one who can see and care about the problems, conflicts, and complexities discussed.
Non-judgmental understanding.
Positive regard or warmth toward the client. (Rogers even said, “non-possessive love.”)
The unconditionality of the regard for the client.
Does this sound like a “you’re just a client” relationship?
Or like “the broken one and the fixer” relationship?
What I Know About Growth-Facilitating Relationships
I'm not a licensed therapist, but my writing has led me to have the privilege of working intimately with individuals.
And I know this much:
Real growth and breakthroughs never happen without genuine emotional investment.
After a couple of meaningful calls in a day, you're left exhausted. In the best way possible, but still exhausted. That's because you have to be genuinely invested in the other person's journey; you have to care. It’s then impossible to take on 10 calls per day just to fill out your calendar and maximize revenue.
That's why mass-produced, high-volume coaching doesn't work.
That’s why professional distance feels hollow.
That’s why something essential has been missing in how we help humans grow.
My Role in the Revolution
For those who've been following me for a while, you know that I've never had a publicly displayed offer for one-on-one service. Nor have I ever reached out to people offering my time. In fact, I've declined most of the people who reached out to me over the years.
The reason is simple: I was selfish with my time and energy.
I worked only with a select few people who were persuasive enough to get me to enter this type of arrangement with them. These relationships were fulfilling and transformative for both parties, but I kept them limited and private.
However, a crucial fact about the philosophers and psychologists who've shaped my thinking and writing has been staring me in the face for a while:
Carl Jung, Rollo May, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, James Hollis... All of them worked with people. They all developed their most profound insights through intimate work with people navigating their existential challenges.
It might sound grandiose, but I aim to carry their legacy in our confusing, overwhelming digital age.
While writing and creating content allows me to reach more people than I thought possible, there's a depth that only comes from direct engagement — the genuine human encounter that Rogers, Maslow, and May advocated for.
That’s why I’m making a change.
Although my time is still limited, I’m opening a few spots to work with people directly.
This isn’t therapy.
It isn’t coaching as you know it.
It’s not me playing guru or pretending to fix you.
It’s an invitation into a real human encounter designed to help you engage more fully with life’s fundamental questions: Authenticity. Meaning.Freedom. Responsibility.
Real conversations. Real exploration of life’s possibilities. Raw, honest, and human. Like it was always meant to be.
And for the next four weeks, I'm offering a free consultation to anyone who feels called to this.
A real session. Not a sales call. No script. No pressure. No pretending to care just to close the deal. We’ll spend 98% of the time diving into your world, your challenges, and your momentum (or lack of it).
At the end, if it feels right, I'll explain how you can work with me long term.
If not, you’ll still leave with real insights, and I’ll be richer for another real human conversation.
This clearly isn’t for everyone. But if part of you knows it’s time to sit down and explore how to live your life more fully...
Book a free consultation here.
*Edit: I had to temporarily close my calendar because I got way too many bookings in the first 48 hours of posting this. Thank you all for your interest, I will notify you when I can take on more bookings.
Thank you for reading.
Stay strong, love life, and never feel sorry for yourself.
“The archetype of the Buddhist master is pervasive in the therapy profession, as various gurus with MAs and PhDs advertise themselves as harbingers of this general idea of wellness. Certain aspects of clinics are made to suggest calmness and tranquillity. Tranquillity is seen as an ideal endpoint, and those who cannot achieve this Western Buddhist model of tranquillity may be labelled as malcontents of some degree or another. Bringing real-world situations and dialectics into the room with a client is antithetical to the client facing down his or her feelings with a calming shaman in the therapy room, causing the client to be overcome with validation. There is always the danger de-escalation will replace active engagement with reality in a similar manner to the marijuana and video games model of self-care”
Elliot Rosenstock, Zizek in the clinic
This is one of the most honest takes on therapy culture I’ve seen in a while.
The meme might look like a joke at first—but it cuts deep because it’s true. Thinking your therapist truly cares about you in a broken system is kind of like thinking the stripper’s in love. Harsh? Maybe. But not wrong.
You nailed it: the issue isn’t with individual therapists. It’s the system they work in. A system that treats healing like a transaction. Clock in, nod, scribble notes, clock out. That’s not real care—that’s customer service.
And when real connection gets reduced to a billable hour, something gets lost. We start settling for surface-level support, thinking that’s the best we can get.
Bringing up Maslow, Rogers, and May was perfect. They believed growth came from real, human connection—not checklists and diagnoses. That vision feels almost forgotten now.
What you’re offering is something different. Not therapy, not coaching—just real conversation. Honest, intentional, and human. And that matters more than ever.
Thanks for putting this out there. It’s not just a critique—it’s a wake-up call.