Why Not Feeling Good Might Be Exactly What You Need
What Jung and prisoners can teach us about depression
I recently heard British author Douglas Murray share an eye-opening anecdote about his fellow writer and former prison physician and psychiatrist, Anthony Daniels.
While he was working in prison, Daniels would often have inmates come to him and say, "Doctor, I need some antidepressants." Daniels would ask why, to which they would reply that they are depressed.
-"Why do you think you are depressed?"
-"I'm suffering from low self-esteem."
Daniels would reply, "Well, there is one thing you got right."
What Daniels meant was that the inmate was supposed to be struggling and suffering. He was supposed to be questioning his self-esteem. He's correct in feeling this way.
The more compassionate types would say this is cruel since the inmate has already been punished by law, and another type would applaud this and any other kind of punishment.
And they would both be wrong. Because this is not about punishment.
Daniels is not denying proper care to the inmate out of some sadistic desire to punish him even further than the law did. He isn't even denying him proper care in the first place.
I would argue that this is what proper care and help look like. And I want to make the case that this is the type of care and help you should sometimes give yourself.
The inmate has found himself in prison for a reason. Let's, for the sake of the argument, assume that he was not wrongfully convicted. He had made a series of wrong life choices that led him to the position he is in. Internal struggle, lack of self-esteem, and depression are some of the most natural responses in this situation. It is, unironically, good that he is feeling bad.
The absence of these symptoms would be a reason for worry. Experiencing no internal struggle in this situation would mean that he has been lost or corrupted, perhaps beyond the point where there is hope of recovery.
Should he be medicated and sedated so that he stops sensing what his psyche, or soul, is telling him? Should valuable feedback from that part of him that still recognizes goodness and truth be silenced?
Now, you might say, "What does this have to do with me? I'm a law-abiding citizen, not a criminal."
Well, the fact that you aren't incarcerated and (hopefully) haven't committed any crimes doesn't make this insight any less true for you.
And the insight is not that you shouldn't turn to a life of crime because it will make you feel bad. It's that, quite often, internal discomfort, disturbance, or struggle is to be learned from, not simply eliminated. Because, no matter how different our situations, don't all of us quite often seek to eradicate uncomfortable feelings too quickly?
"We should not try to "get rid" of a neurosis, but rather to experience what it means, what it has to teach, what its purpose is." - Carl Jung
Jung believed that neurosis is often the psyche's way of giving a sign that one's way of life, or an aspect of it, needs to change. Or, it could even be a sign of a life that is not lived, that is, of a failure to engage in life.
It's important to emphasize that you can live what seems like a perfectly "normal" life and still be troubled in the way we discussed so far. You don't have to harm anyone or do anything that obviously stands out from the path of a well-integrated individual to receive a painful warning from your psyche. One of the best examples of this is the creative person who stops expressing their creativity or never starts expressing it, whether out of fear, laziness, or conformity.
Jungian analyst James Hollis powerfully illustrated what Jung meant when he was saying that we are punished by our psyche, that is, by our soul, for not living the life that we are supposed to live:
When a depression is not biologically driven, it's usually psyche's way of withdrawing energy from wherever we are putting it. Rather than just saying 'Well how do I quickly get rid of the depression?' or 'How do I medicate it away?' we would say, 'Why has psyche withdrawn its approval and support of my executive choices?'
I hope that it became more clear why I think you should sometimes give yourself the same type of care and help that Daniels gave to prisoners.
Maybe you've never done any harm to anyone. But maybe you've been doing harm to yourself, to your soul, for far too long. And no matter how painful and distressing it may be to receive a warning for this, it is far worse never to become aware of it.
Thank you for reading.
Free Resources:
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The Art of Showing Up: A Clear and Practical Method for Mastering Consistency
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