Have you ever found yourself seeking control, trying to orchestrate every element of your life down to the last detail? Does it make you feel safe, or, paradoxically, do you feel more constrained? What if I told you that there's a different perspective on control, one that might even seem counterintuitive? I'm talking about the art of exercising control rather than being in control.
What's the difference, you ask? Let’s get straight into it.
Think of a time when you were cocooned in the safety of routine, where everything was predictable, and you had full control. It was comfortable, right? But then, ask yourself: were you truly content? Did you really enjoy your life? Or was there an underlying feeling of unfulfillment? The thing is, when we're in our comfort zones, we're not actually growing or developing. We're just existing. There's a stark difference between merely being in control and actively exercising control.
Now, imagine a different scenario. You're engaged in a difficult, challenging situation, far removed from your comfort zone. This time, we are not talking about life’s struggles and even tragedies that leave a nasty scar but can still prove valuable for your personal growth and a sense of life's meaning. We are talking about facing voluntary challenges where your skills are put to the test. You're not in control, but you've got the skills and competence to handle this. You navigate through the challenge, making decisions, learning, and adapting. You're exercising control.
Exercising control means using your skills to influence outcomes, not just dictating what those outcomes should be. It's about embracing uncertainty, about stepping into the arena even when the outcome is doubtful. That's where the real growth happens. It's where you test and develop your skills, and it's the way to get the most out of life.
Still not convinced? Think about the thrill you feel when you're playing a game or doing a puzzle. Isn't the fun in not knowing the outcome and using your abilities to influence it? If everything was predictable and under your control, wouldn't it be boring? Life is no different.
Why do you think I get such fulfillment out of writing these essays for you? Do you think I have a feeling of absolute control over how many people are going to read each essay and if they will like it? Of course not. Writing is one of the most enjoyable aspects of my life, not because I am in control but because I am exercising control. I am focused on developing my skills for thinking and expressing myself through the written word. Then, I put those skills to the test by sharing my writing with people who care about the same ideas. The sense of challenge and exercising control is what keeps me going every day, not the feeling of being in control.
Are you still clinging to the need to be in control? Remember, control is a paradox. The more we chase it, the more elusive it becomes. But by exercising control, we gain confidence, resilience, and adaptability.
It's not about wrestling life into a scripted scenario, but dancing with the uncertainties and taking steps to influence the outcome. It's about choosing to walk into the storm, knowing that we have the skills to get through it. That's where the magic of life unfolds. That's where we truly experience control.
So, my fellow explorer of human existence, I you will start shifting from being in control to exercising control.
Are you ready to accept the paradox of control and embrace the excitement that life offers? I promise you, it's an adventure worth undertaking.
So, take that step. Exercise control, grow, and move closer to becoming a full, self-actualized human being.
Thank you for reading.
P.S. My free course, (Re)Build: Become the Architect of Your Own Life, starts on Monday.
(Re)Build is a blueprint for a fulfilling and meaningful life molded by insight from psychology's and philosophy's finest minds. From Nietzsche to Maslow, from the Stoics to the Zen Buddhists.
Embracing life’s uncertainty and learning how to exercise control rather than seek to be in control is one of the topics we will be covering in this course.
My mission with this free course is to give you the insights, actionable advice, and tools needed to turn a new page in your story and start building your life for the first time ever, or rebuilding it regardless of the circumstances.
The course starts on Monday, June 19th.
Click here to join. Once again, it’s free.
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My free ebook: The Lost Art of Reading
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The Art of Showing Up: A Clear and Practical Method for Mastering Consistency
The Gold Pill: Timeless Ideas for a Life Worth Living
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Stoicism at its core.
The idea was a phenomenal approach. Made me rethink the concept of discipline and the harsh line between it´s roughness and comfort. Thank you for your wise words friend!
-Alex