Why Your Overthinking is Not What You Think It is

When I was creating my Instagram page, I was thinking,

"What is one thing about me that most people interested in the topics I’ll write about will be able to relate to?"

"I’m an overthinker. But I plan on using philosophy to overcome, or at least minimize, my overthinking so that I can engage in life more fully. That means I’m starting my road to "recovery" from overthinking. I’m a Recovering Overthinker.

That’s how it all started. From the very first day, I started receiving messages and comments from people saying how much they related to the name "Recovering Overthinker."

The truth is, overthinking itself was never the main topic I wanted to write about. I even wanted to change the name of the page. I still think about it every once in a while. But I keep receiving messages and comments from fellow recovering overthinkers relating to the name, and I keep deciding to keep it.

However, in my soon-to-be 3 years as Recovering Overthinker, I never really addressed what exactly I meant by "overthinking." That is, until recently.

I am not going to try to give a definition of overthinking, and I’m sure most people will have their own, different take on what they mean by "overthinking," but for me, there are two major types of overthinking that are very different, and it is because of their difference that they need to be discussed.

There is overthinking the things in your life that you have no control of. Overthinking how a certain social interaction went, dwelling on the past, worrying about the future.

And there is overthinking the things over which you have control—that is, overthinking the decisions and actions you must take—leading to hesitation and, ultimately, an inability to make confident decisions and take action in life.

Recently, I asked you on Instagram which of these two types of overthinking you relate more to, or which of these two presents a bigger problem in your life. The results were 63-37% in favor of overthinking about the things that you have no control over, which is an interesting result and what actually got me to write this post. Although, to be fair, most people who voted also sent a message saying that it’s actually both types.

But first, to answer the question that most people asked after voting: what is my type of overthinking? Which type of overthinking did I have in mind when coming up with the name "Recovering Overthinker"?

Just like for most people, the answer is both. When I was coming up with the name "Recovering Overthinker," I was thinking about the fact that I was spending way too much time replaying in my mind old conversations and arguments that I had with people close to me, as well as overthinking what the future was going to look like. But I was also thinking about the fact that I am terrible at making strong, confident decisions in my life and acting on them quickly. My overthinking led to hesitation, which led to overthinking, which led to hesitation. I wasn’t engaged in life as much as I wanted to be. I was spending too much time sitting on the sidelines (over)thinking about engaging in life.

But even though I had both types of overthinking in my mind, even back then I knew, or rather had a feeling, that the more important type of overthinking to deal with—the one that would have a bigger impact on my life—was the one that was preventing me from making decisions and taking action. But I had no idea how much more important it is.

And that’s why I’m writing this. Because your overthinking is not what you think it is.

Let’s say that you identify more with the first type of overthinking. You overthink things outside of your control. You think that is your biggest problem—the one that needs solving the most.

I will give myself the freedom to assume that, if you are overthinking things outside of your control, you are also not the best when it comes to making confident decisions and taking action. If you're overthinking a conversation from a few months or years ago, I doubt you'll be able to not overthink a major life decision with potentially infinite different outcomes.

So, for starters, let’s acknowledge the fact that there is no such thing as you falling into just one type of overthinking. It’s not either/or; it’s not binary.

But furthermore, could it be that the second type of overthinking, the one that prevents you from making decisions and taking action, is the only problem, or at the very least the main one?

What I’m proposing is this:

If you are spending a lot of time overthinking the past, the future, and everything outside of your control, that could very well be a sign of living a passive life, and not being engaged in it as fully as you could be. You could say, "No, it is actually my overthinking of things outside my control that is preventing me from engaging in life more fully." And we could keep playing the game of "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" but hopefully what we are trying to do here is minimize our overthinking, not increase it.

Whichever came first, the point remains the same: if you were engaged in life as fully as you could be, you wouldn’t be spending any significant amount of time overthinking the things outside of your control. And this is something I can confirm from my own experience.

As I mentioned before, when I embarked on this journey, I had a feeling that the more important type of overthinking for me to address was the one preventing me from making confident decisions and taking action. So that’s what I focused on. As time went by, I made more and more progress in making decisions more quickly and more confidently, which led to me taking action in life. I stopped thinking about it in terms of me trying to overcome "the second type of overthinking." I was just focused on engaging in life and not being on the sidelines anymore.

Then, a couple of months ago, I was going through all the questions I received on a Q&A I did on my Instagram page. "How do you overcome overthinking?" There were dozens of questions like this.

I started thinking about what would be the most helpful answer. I remembered the two different types of overthinking, and that they probably needed to be addressed differently. Then I realized: I cannot remember the last time I was overthinking something outside of my control. I’m sure I still do it from time to time, but since I genuinely cannot remember my last "overthinking" session, that must mean I didn’t spend any significant amount of time on it.

And how could I spend any significant amount of time overthinking my past or worrying about my future? How could I overthink a fight I had with my brother or my ex-girlfriend years ago when I have made a commitment to jump into this life and engage in it as fully and passionately as I can, every single day and every single moment of my life?

How could I, or how could you, overthink things outside of your control if you finally start making decisions in your life and acting on them? You have to spend time observing how your decisions and actions play out in real life and making new decisions based on that. There is no time for "what ifs" or "could've, would've, should've"; there is only time for concrete living.

What I’m proposing is not escaping your overthinking through mindless action. I’m not proposing escaping yourself through being busy. Sit down with your thoughts and emotions. Let them run their course. Write them down if needed. At some point, and pretty quickly, I would say, you will recognize what are the things that shouldn’t be escaped but felt and experienced, and what are the things that are just dead weight that will only stay there and become even heavier if you keep living a passive life.

To conclude, I would say that to be human is to overthink, at least from time to time. It is to be aware of how strange, interesting, and uncertain this thing we call life is. It is only when watching life from the sidelines that overthinking is something to worry about. However, as long as you are participating in this thing called life, occasionally pausing to (over)think about it is perfectly natural. 

Thank you for reading.

If you consider yourself an overthinker and have any thoughts on this, I would be grateful if you shared them with me, especially if you have a different conception of what overthinking is, or what the more important “type” of overthinking is.

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