What I’ve been reading:
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
I think a lot of my male readers will be surprised to hear that this is my first time reading The Way of the Superior Man.
Why is that? Because it is almost a general rule that, for any man who embarks on a self-improvement journey, this is one of the first books on their reading list. I’m not exaggerating when I say that all the most popular self-improvement / personal development YouTube channels have it on their book recommendations list.
So here is why I haven’t read it in roughly 9 years that I’ve been trying to improve myself through reading, and why I decided to read it now.
“No man is going to tell me how to be a man, let alone how to be a superior man. The only men who can tell me that are my father and my older brother. If I’m religious, I can find examples of true manhood in religious texts. But some regular guy writing a book on “how to be a man” automatically discredits him as a man. And me reading a book on “how to be a man” can only make me less of a man. Being a man is not something to be put in an instruction manual; it’s something that is lived.”
What I have put in quotes encapsulates what my beliefs and attitude towards masculinity books were until fairly recently. And I have to admit, and maybe disappoint some of you, that I still hold some of those beliefs. I am still quick to dismiss any person or any book that claims to have the recipe for being a real man.
But I have to provide some context. In my home country, Montenegro, the vast majority of men think the same. I always say that we are the last place in the world that will have masculinity gurus because they would be bullied out of the country by regular, real men. And there is obviously something to that Montenegrin mentality, since we are known for having the most masculine men in a region already famous for masculine men.
But there are two sides to this. Besides being maculine, we are an exceptionally narrow-minded nation. On my travels, where I’m meeting people from both the West and the East, I still haven’t found a culture with a mentality as rigid as Montenegro. And, after almost a decade of trying to rise out of that rigidity (while maintaining some undeniable virtues that rise out of it), it’s still a work in progress.
Part of that process is me picking up The Way of the Superior Man without being afraid that it will drop my testosterone levels. To be honest, I decided to read it because of my audience. I regularly have young men asking me if I would recommend it, and others asking if I like it (they think I’ve had to read it) because it influenced them greatly. So I thought that reading it would help me relate to my brothers around the world on a deeper level.
So far, the contents of the book prove that rigidity equals, or at least leads to, ignorance. I quite literally judged the book by its cover. David Deida doesn’t write with the tone of a masculinity guru. Maybe his semi-esoteric and, at times, erotic way of writing is not according to everyone’s taste. But I view this as an interesting read for both men and women to get a new perspective that could help their relationship function better.
What I’ve watched:
It’s a 40-second video. Watch it. It reminded me of something I know many of you are struggling with as well. No matter how much you read, you’ll never manage to read everything that you want to or that you think you should. But that shouldn’t discourage you from reading. It should be viewed as an invitation to search for books that are relevant to you and your journey.
What I’ve been thinking about:
There is wisdom that is gained through mistakes.
But there are also mistakes that are made despite gaining wisdom.
Those mistakes remind us that the human journey is one of continuous learning. And beating yourself up for making them is like beating yourself up for not knowing the full contents of the book before reading it.
Thank you for reading.
Stay strong, love life, and never feel sorry for yourself.
Free Resources:
My free ebook: The Lost Art of Reading
Paid Resources:
The Art of Showing Up: A Clear and Practical Method for Mastering Consistency
The Gold Pill: Timeless Ideas for a Life Worth Living
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This notion of "my culture is particularly rigid with masculinity" makes me laugh. Not because I disagree, because I see it in my own culture, but because it's so true for every culture. Every culture will say that about their own. Man is ultimately a construction of a culture but ofc he is also a product of evolution. I take an existentialist view on the matter - we are thrown into this life and its up to a man to make himself a man - a bit like Simone de Bouvier's mantra of "you become a woman".
I should certainly read Deida's work though